Ode to my Body

—after Ross Gay

​

I don’t know 

the first time  

I hated you 

maybe 

it was the way I  

had stomach rolls 

and other girls  

had bikini bodies 

I put you  

through hell  

for that 

hated you  

for the pain I felt 

you prevailed 

time and time again 

when I binged 

when I purged 

you are stronger  

than my mind 

you conquered 

even  

when boys thought  

they could own 

you 

even  

when I carved 

you 

you prevailed 

time and time again 

I want to love  

you 

I want to  

look in the mirror 

and smile 

I want to  

nourish and cherish  

you 

you should be  

praised and worshipped 

like Aphrodite  

but 

I still look at you  

and cry 

I still look at you 

and count my calories.